Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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