She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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