She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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