i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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