Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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