he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
