Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
