he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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