My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
