i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
