mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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