u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
