He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
