Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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