I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
