have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
