hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
