Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
