Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
