You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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