R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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