im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
