sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
