I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
