He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
