Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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