cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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