About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
