a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
