I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
