this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
