Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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