Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
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