god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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