Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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