I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
