Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
