i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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