I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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