In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
