i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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