You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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