Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
