Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
