i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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