My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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