I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I will pee on everything he values.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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