Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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