Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
