escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
