just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
