Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
