She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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