I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
