found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
