Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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