The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
