in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
