you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
