Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
