People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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