I wannas sexs uuuuu
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
