i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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